How do I hate thee, LA? Let me count the ways...

File it under "What. In. The. Mother. Fuck: Was I Thinking?!" category if you're the anal type who needs everything labeled properly... I'm still going to be here. And I'm still going to be a complete basket case.

Everyone said "L. AAAAAyyy?!" when I told people I was moving... like we were discussing their hemorrhoids and I had just insisted that they would get rid of them much faster (and painlessly!) by shoving a red-hot poker up their ass.

I now know exactly what they meant.

1. SHITTY SHITTY SHITTY music. Newsflash, folks: Hip-hop SUCKS MY ASS.
2. STUPID, SHALLOW, VAPID people (all clogging the freeways while living well within the label-whore clutches of conspicuous consumption). If I see one more trophy-wife/soccer-mom dwarfed behind the wheel of the family Escalade or Land Rover I'm going to have to keep a barf bag in my car at all times.
3. Combined IQ's of everyone living in 90210 can be counted with only a single pair of hands!! Does anyone South of Gilroy read anything that isn't a script for yet-another-stupid-fucking-reality-show (*for those of you whom this is particularly aimed at -- I just made a funny and if this were a script, you would be instructed to laugh out loud. I believe "guffaw" is a commonly used term understood by most of Hollywood. Even the Pamela Anderson's. .. Go ahead. I'll wait.)
4. Weren't the first 3 reasons enough? That's enough for now... even I'm disgusted at this point & need to go for a walk so I can pretend I live near intelligent, useful humans. Easy enough to do @ 1:30 am on a Thursday morning.

I'll have a fresh batch of reasons why LA sucks tomorrow.