Its almost time. From the second I stepped off the plane at SFO after my week in L.A., I cannot shake the feeling that I'm no longer at home here. That this has never really been home. Its quite jolting to realize just how willingly I've been sleepwalking through the past 6 years here... San Francisco's incredibly beautiful and seductive place, but for for me - it's filled with so much pain... heartbreak, confusion, sorrow, deep lonliness, self-loathing, inadequacy, self-doubt, self-destructive patterns... And for fuck's sake - I've HAD it with the men here!!!
It's time to grow up, er, I mean wake up - first.
So, I know my time here is short. I've never stayed put so long in my entire life... I guess I wasn't missing much all that time moving around. San Diego... LA... Huntington Beach... hell, even Mexico is calling to me. Talking to a small but sensitive spot, deep inside of me, my heart... or wherever that place is that feels like you're at home, when you don't know where home is...
The beach where I left my happy, carefree soul for safe-keeping 6 years ago is whispering louder and soon it won't be a whisper. I can't take the constant reminders anymore -- all around me -- of a failed past, a stalled future.
Dude. Can't wait to surf.
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The life and times of a self-proclaimed drama queen...
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