9/26/2004

Adventures In Relocation, Part 2...

(4:30 am) Panic. Terror. Can't sleep. Or eat. Fighting OVERWHELMING urge to flee for the airport this morning and just deal with the lack of housing or employment *there* (commonly referred to as "burying one's head in the sand"). I miss "there" already... there is where I am confident (okay, sometimes cocksure but isn't everyone at some point?). There is where I have a safety net of friends and the familiarity of all I know (I'm sick of) and love (to hate) to support my chicken-shit, tail-between-the-legs self.

(This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful life.)

(9:10) Zombie. Sleepless and terrified. Completely neurotic and irrational. I'll be better once I get on the road to the office. Driving always soothes me.

(9:15) Idiot!! Driving in LA traffic couldn't soothe anyone. Even with heavy medication taken prior to the 405.

(Noon) Strange sense of deja vu and a little awe... like the first time I drove around Silicon Valley and flipped out over driving past the likes of Yahoo! and eBay and all of my idolized tech giants at the time. In LA it's more a sense of "Huh. MTV Networks. I wonder if anyone famous is in there right now."

(9:30pm) Foggy haze. Mad apartment hunting produces UTOPIA!! Jesus, I must have cashed in some premium grade karma when I found this place... blissful, peaceful and PERFECT. So perfect I cried on the way back to the hotel. Thank You, Craigslist. You're the best, meng.